The Reverse Asshole Rule of Social Media

Published on Dec 15, 2022 (updated Oct 20, 2024), filed under misc. (Share this post, e.g., on Mastodon.)

Pardon the language.

Inspired by toxicity on Twitter, I drafted this months before Mr. Musk took over the platform, prompting everyone many to move to healthier platforms like Mastodon. But, not for the first time, I’m opting to publish this eventually.

If we cancel an asshole on social media; and for one of many possible reasons we got our facts wrong; then we can guess who’s the asshole.

There are many disagreeable viewpoints out there. There are probably many disagreeable people out there, too. But leaving aside reasons to listen to whom we disagree with, there’s a point at which our defense against disagreeable viewpoints and people becomes an offense—when it’s us who become disagreeable.

Why? For many reasons. It’s hard to know everything. It’s hard to tell when someone acted out of ignorance or out of intent. It’s hard to be perfect. Therefore, when we ask others to know everything and constantly act to our constant liking, are we the good force we deem ourselves to be? When we punish—cancel—, but erred in our assessment, are we being fair? Or is there a point at which we become worse, than those we judge?

(Yes, “reverse” refers to “rule,” and not “asshole.” Then, as previously, there are limits and exceptions. For example, if we block someone like Mr. Trump, there are ample data points suggesting we made an excellent call.)

About Me

I’m Jens (long: Jens Oliver Meiert), and I’m an engineering lead, guerrilla philosopher, and indie publisher. I’ve worked as a technical lead and engineering manager at various companies (e.g., Google); I’m an active web and tool developer (code optimization, digital defense), a contributor to web standards (like HTML, CSS, WCAG), and a book author (O’Reilly, Frontend Dogma).

I love trying things—in web development and engineering management, but also in politics and philosophy, where I hold to one idea in particular: that we can only be well if we take good care of everyone. Here on meiert.com I talk about some of my perspectives and experiences. (Interpret charitably but be critical—and share feedback and advice that makes my work better.)